Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
