did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
