Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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