yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
