I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
honey bunches of taint.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
