The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
