Pappa wants mamma naked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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