....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
