I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
