If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
