now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
