I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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