i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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