Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
