Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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