when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
