Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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