i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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