well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
