He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
