Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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