So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
