It's like God shit irony all over that family
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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