You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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