I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The beer is more important than you right now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
