turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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