there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
