you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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