Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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