Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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