I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
