just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I want is dick and wine.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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