girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
