Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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