This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
