god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
