suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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