It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
