her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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