dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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