Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?