BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.