i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later