K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet