call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.