i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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