Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
