There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
