Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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