I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
