Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
