she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
