He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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