It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
