You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
