When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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