I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
