That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
