Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
