after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
