Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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