im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
