and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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