She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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