I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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