do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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