this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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